The Key Elements of Surving a Rapture

1. Don't believe it's coming unless there are strong scientific evidence to support that the end is near. (ie. drastic climate changes in weather, systematic volcano discharge around the globe, lakes and oceans boiling and evaporating, the signs of celestial beings like angels descending to Earth and genocide of "Actual" Sinners).
2. Know every Zombie movie, Vampire movie and Paranormal movie that has ways of destroying or over coming all odds.
3. A lot of alcohol, Twinkies, and meat.
4. Knowing that you maybe the only human a live amongst the living dead. (You might have to go Tallahassee on some Zombie like in Zombieland with Woody Heraldson. Some times the last Twinkies are your only survival).
5. Know that you have almost completed your "Bucket List".
6. Having a little faith that God or Who Ever created you in their own image.
7. Know where you nearest Police Station is. (If anything like the movie Legion, you may have to bust some caps in peoples asses if they're possessed by Angels sent by God.)
8. Now if there is some kind of outbreak of mutagen-ariel based disease, make sure you get vaccine, face mask, boozes, and a faithful friend to put you out of your misery. (Lord knows we've all seen Resident Evil 1,2,3, and 4 Unless your some super human bad ass, you need that faithful person to shoot your ass in the head, decapitate you, burn your body and bag it so they can toss it in a river some where, just sayin).

Now over all people, lets not panic. Instead let us rejoice and spend time with people we love. (Or kind of love, I do wanna see some of these hookers get eaten by a Zombie or some shit). But seriously spend time with the family, tell them how you really feel. Call up relatives and express your thoughts. Tell that special someone what you wanna do to them behind closed doors. Drink until you piss yourself. (If you have already done that then you're one step closer to completing your bucket list). Well this concludes my first guide to "Surviving the Rapture" good luck and I won't see you in Heaven. I got my one way ticket on the Bullet Train to Hell. It's gonna be an awesome Red Circuit Party lol