Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I thought that if I deleted you from my page that it would be easier to move on and go forward. I now realize that it is not. What must I do to rid myself of this bond to you. You say you're there for me but I can't have you there for me. You can't catch me when I fall or pick me up when I do. I am dusting myself off and looking over the hedges of an endless garden of obstacles. The grass has died on my side of the fence and the soil is tainted with bad memories and thoughts.

You still want to talk to me but don't realize how hard it is for me to have a small talk conversation. Maybe it would have been best not to have IM'd you in the first place, maybe our reconnection was at the wrong time. Do I now delete you from List? I search the faces of endless profiles with men. All seem great but I am looking for more than just lust, infatuation, and partial attachment. I can't see your face but I can see it in my head when I close my eyes.

The poems and other lyrical words I had written for you I can never reclaim because they were written from my heart and soul. They are now but just digital fragments in your computer that will, in time, be deleted. The hardest thing to give up is feelings of someone that inspires the drive of your Heart n Soul to produce such beauty in simple words. I am trying to keep you out of sight, but it's not going well in my mind.

I hope that he treats you right and understands that your goals are more important than he is. I hope that he loves you. I hope that he knows you for you and not just a pretty face to be mounted on his belt. I pray that you are happy and stay happy. I cannot say that I not jealous because that will be a lie. I just wish that I could of been the one. The one you smile at in the morning when you wake up. The one that holds you close. The tears have stopped and all is left are dry empty eyes searching for answers in this vast sea of life.