Thinking of You

I lay my head down and I'm thinking of you and it's been weeks since I've talked to you. My dreams startle me because you are in them. The words spoken stick with me and drive me crazy with sadness. I slip in and out of depression. Your smiling face is all I see when I close my eyes. You have tried to get rid of me by going on dates, I can't seem to get rid of you. You are constantly on my mind, I look for you online but no digital trace of you is no where to be seen. You haven't deleted me but I'm sure you ignore me when you are on. Is it that simple... Was I that foolish into thinking that our Fairy Tale could come true? For a few weeks, yea I thought it could. I know you will never see this blog but I need to write it.

I sit here now waiting for a sign, a signal of your presence, a possible glimps of your smile. I cling to the monitor like a addict trying to get my next fix, I'm Jonesing for your attention. If this is what detoxing is like, let me never be addicted to drugs. This is, at times, unbearable torture. The constant feeling of wanting to scratch at the walls until my fingers bleed, the tortured souls in my head rocking back and forth screaming for more. Where are my doctors? Where is the man in the white lab coat......

Sitting in solitude with my thoughts is maddening. The silence is unbearable now. The sounds of my favorite DJ's bring me no comfort. I'm loosing ambitions, I'm loosing the drive to succeed, I'm loosing myself again. The shards of my broken heart sit in a leather coin purse. I am not strong enough to move on, I'm in pain and for what..... A stupid fight.... A stupid situation.... A stupid moment in time that could have been fixed.... but you chose to move on.... So be it.... But I can't stop thinking of you.