Oh Saint Valentine, who have your Own Day

Awe the day of love and loving. It's a day I hate... Not in the sense of me hating someone who has wronged me me or has taken anything of value. I hate the day because it reminds me of what I don't have, or what I lack in my life. Don't get me wrong I love my Family and some of my closest friends. I guess you can say I'm a bit envious of some of those around me. It's not their fault by any means, it's mine. I have been depressed for so long that it doesn't even hurt anymore and I confuse it for hunger. And so I eat.

There are days I wish I had someone to go home to or someone to look forward to seeing. But yet when it seems something may happen; an issue always arises and nothing ever fulfills its intention. I guess I have that eager look on my face or well I should say desperate look. I'm not saying the guys I like or start to fall for are desperate looking or are of the sorts. It's more or less of me having the look and acting pathetically around them. I'm just getting tired of being the "friend" I guess. I feel like the stereotypical 80's Friend who's in love the cool guy but he doesn't know I exist... I know it's so 80's cliche but the one thing those movies had down were teenage feelings of my generation. I'm not like the New Generation of kids were my feelings or emotions were subdued by a Psychologists over analysts of their own feelings when they were young and in love. I never had to pop a pill to keep me balanced or happy... Ugh rambling....

Oh St. Valentine, who knew your name would be used to mean a Day of Cherishing someone you love or like or have feelings for. I find it cruel and sad. My only prayer to you is to some day or some year let me have a Valentine that won't be lonely or filled with painful memories. Don't let me go another year filled with regret and envy. I feel that I don't deserve that of which has been bestowed upon my non-perfect soul. Even the most Cynical of men find love, it may not be perfect but it does happen.

To all you lovers out there, Bless you for you are blessed to have found someone or some person to have this day with. Let the envious be envious, let the Lonesome be alone, cherish the one you have the ability to cherish.