You Knew Me Then, You know me Now

For most of you that will read this, you've might have known me when I was leaner and skinner and fit and energetic. Who I am now is a bit the opposite. I'm depressed, I'm heavy, I'm unattractive, all around I'm just fat. I know it. I'm not trying to deny it.

There is not a day that goes by that I wish I could change certain events in my life that lead me to be who I am today. Physically Speaking. For most, that live in San Diego you have no clue of my past nor have I allowed you to know. Not because of bad reasons only because only a few know, and those are the ones closet to me. For some I haven't revealed only because it had been an issue you never asked about or seemed interested about. This is speaking from truth from my point of view.

there have been days I wanted to get up and go work out and run and do my walks and be outside. I know most of you are afraid for my health, as am I. But honestly sometimes, it's hard for me. I am depressed. It's not something that I have omitted freely until now, openly. It wasn't until recent that my Manager said, "Lets do something, lets focus on you and get you going." To be honest I have been a slave to work since the age of 11. Helping my Big Sister to Run her paper route to the day I had a legal work permit to work at a restaurant. I don't' regret any of it because it taught me to have work ethics. the value of customers, the idea that what you make of any business you are into is and will always be your business weather you own it or not.

I do wish for myself to pull my "shit " together. I feel that I have missed out on San Diego, and that I'll never be able to find my place let alone someone who I can call my own. It's hard. It's awkward, I feel alone. I am ranting I am Raving I am just venting but this is a little insight of me. give me a moment and I'll deliver. Don't doubt me don't ridicule me or tell me I'm not thinking of myself or being lazy. I know these thins. I've cried about these things. I've thought bad thoughts about these things. Just be there for me, encourage me, help me, motivate me, and just be my friend. I have a lot to give and more to give back when you are there for me.


-Giggles- 2011
aka
-BGM- 2002-2009